Pizzapocalypse

Now what if...

Pizza Hut managed to patent the recipe for pizza? That's right! Let's just say they sent a team of historians in Italy that dug out the sole descendant of the indubitable Napoli inventor of pizza. And they gave him 10 M$ to transfer the title to them. Hey! Why not? So what changes in the world? "Big deal" you might be thinking. "Who fucking cares?". Maybe you don't even like pizza.

Well, from now on, everyone that wants to make pizza must clear a license to Pizza Hut. "Uh Oh", I can hear you think, "pizza prices are about to increase". If only it was just that... Pizza Hut knows people love pizza. And they are in the unique position of becoming their unique supplier. Why would they make billions selling licenses (never actually baking pizza) when they could make billions of billions being the only pizza joint in the world? So they're going to make the license so prohibitively expensive, their competitors will need to sell their pizzas so expensive, that they will either collapse, either shrink on some niche such as "luxury pizza". And Pizza Hut becomes the worldwide sole pizzaiolo in the world. That wouldn't be too good for pizza lovers.

The only one? Not really. I mean, what can Pizza Hut do if I start making pizzas and selling them in the neighborhood? Hire a hitman? That'd be bad publicity. They'll more likely complain to the police, and the police is going to come put me out of business. So they need to somehow, make sure the state is recognizing their patent and willing to enforce it with jackbooted thugs. There is bound to be countries that don't care about patents. Or that have other things to worry about than pizza piracy. Or that plainly don't like Pizza Hut for one reason or another. These countries will most certainly see some young enterprising person starting a competing pizza delivery business. And if Pizza Hut don't drive it into the ground early enough, they might even hire some lawyer consultant that would tell them how to look as legal as possible. Legal enough to be able to avoid having the police kick their door in.

Slice of pizza in a pirate flag shape

And, in a world of only Pizza Hut pizzas, this business (called Megapizza) would strive! Of course nothing near the billions of billions that Pizza Hut makes, but maybe a few billions nonetheless. And Pizza Hut would be white with rage. Not only because they are losing a couple of billions, but also because Megapizza is changing people's expectation. You see, it's not just that Megapizza is way cheaper. Pizza Hut hasn't been very busy improving its pizzas and delivery system. Actually, they even made their delivery system slower on purpose. Hoping that the customers would be so hungry when the pizza arrives that they would buy a side dish or a complementary pizza. I mean, when you get monopoly on something, it's not a great incentive for progress. And that's just what patents and copyright do. They give you a monopoly on a certain product. Megapizza, as illegal as it is, delivers real real fast. And they're cheap. And they have this flatrate all-you-can-eat deal. People love it. Which makes dealing with them even more tricky for Pizza Hut.

But, when you're sitting on so many billions, there are some tricks you can pull. Suddenly, the whole media starts dissing on Megapizza. It's illegal, the people operating it are the scum of the Earth. They are destroying legitimate pizza-baking. That can't compete with them because you can't compete with pirates. Small countries around the world would start ramping up the punishment for pizza-piracy. Huge sums of money if you're caught with a pirate pizza. Jail time if you got more than three. The police starts bursting into people's home to check for illegitimate pizza on mere suspicion from Pizza Hut. The shipping companies become obliged by law to open every single pizza-shaped parcel and report the sender and addressee in case a contraband pizza is found. All this having a very chilling effect on the economy. But the people don't really notice. The anchorman on TV says it's for the good of the economy.

But, don't be fooled. Even though convinced that Megapizza is indeed destroying the economy, it won't stop ordering pizza from them. The delivery system of Pizza Hut sucks way too much, and they kinda got used to the convenience of Megapizza. They'll just feel terrible about it, and Megapizza will still strive.

And then, one day, it will be all over the news. Megapizza's headquarter in New Farland was taken over in a police operation, the executives were rounded up and shipped to another country where what they did is super-duper-illegal, and all their servers were taken offline and shipped to the same country. There will be some people questionning the legality of the whole operation, but not too loud. I mean, nodody wants to be caught defending pirates, do they ? They are, after all, responsible for the loss of so many jobs for good hardworking people. And then the people will be left with just Pizza Hut to get their pizza from. It would suck for a while, until some other entreprising youth, in another country, figures out a way to distribute pirate-pizza again but without getting taken down this time.

This all situation sucks, doesn't it? And this is just pizza. Imagine if this was to happen to our movies, music and books...

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