Deconstructing love

 “How do you expect to ever find someone with such sub-standard table manners !” says the mother to the teenager after the poor kid burped his soda, launching a salvo of offended looks. Does that ring a bell? I danced my whole childhood to that tune. [All 30 years of it. In particular the later years. When I didn't even need the soda.] I never had to ask what she meant with “finding someone”, though it doesn't really go without saying : “Find someone? Whacha mean? There's always someone on the street? An how does it relate to my burping anyways?” In that way, the concept of “finding someone” is a sort of cultural artifact, that everyone seems to understand without ever needing it explained. So I won't explain it...

It's not just “finding someone” but more like “finding [fill the blank]one”. Depending on how romantic or desperate one is, it can be “someone”, “The One” or “anyone”. The pun with “fill the blank” is intended. The whole concept sort of assumes that everyone is born half finished and that nobody is whole before finding the significant other. And I have many problems with that.


You know that old saying about something becoming true once enough people believe it. That's a good case of it. It is true that people are generally not whole without a significant other. But not for lack of the necessary apparatus, but more like because they were conditioned to be. In the good old society, the Man is useless around the house, the Woman is useless outside it. Separately they are miserable, but the reach wholeness through marriage. Recent social development have demonstrated that men are perfectly capable of cleaning dishes and wiping babies asses, and women are perfectly capable of earning a living, be it at the factory or the court of the king, that occasionally might be a queen. I'm hopefully not teaching you anything, but maybe showing it in a different perspective. Men and women are shaped by society for different and complementary roles for the sole purpose of having them need each other. Lest they would not.


Would they? They would actually have the choice, instead of the necessity, to get together. “Finding someone” would suddenly stop being such a drag. Like, something you need to stop burping soda to finally achieve. It might even be fun! Notice how I haven't brought the concept of “love” yet, despite the provocative title ? On purpose. You though marriage was about love? Pah!


And, by Science, “choice” is a concept I love. There is not telling what people might do with that freedom. But we have some clues. Because the vice of social orthodoxy has loosened its grip already a little in the past century. And one of many big things that snapped out of it is homosexuality. But that's just the opening chapter. So far, the vice is still pretty tight. The female engineering students are still in the teens of the percentage ladder. The female proportion of actual engineer is even more timid (many a female engineering student reorients). The salary gap is no news... The vice is still tight. Homosexuality is just a hors-d'oeuvre. Trust me on that.


What is it that will plague society next? What is it that men and women will soon start questioning? I can only guess. Ok, let's do that.


“Finding someone” implies a lot, aside from that the blank filler must be of opposite gender. There is the unspoken assumption that one may only love one person. That there can be no such thing as “remarriage”. And that is something that's been hitting society since about the same time as the queers. The concept of “divorce” challenges more than the concept of “eternal love”. It boldly assumes the fact that one may love again. Your marriage can be a unhappy one, I doubt you'd divorce with the certainty that your one bullet is shot and your gun is empty and useless, if I may use this daringly phallic image.

And that's a GOOD thing, regardless to the fact that divorce has fucked up many a family. It is good that we have the choice. That we stay together because we choose to, rather than because there's just no other way. Without the liberty to quit, stability is a lie. Without knowing for a fact that you may love again, there is no liberty to quit. I'm glad that society is growing away from the myth that one may love only one person at all.


The next myth to take some heat is that one may love only one person at a given time. I can feel society struggling with the concept, trying very hard to make it pass as an absurdity, just as it tried with remariage and homosexuality. But the idea is gaining ground, just because it makes sense. Why the fuck not hey!

So, says society, I'm coming to terms with the fact that love is not a magic bullet that can be fired only once. It is more like a bottle of water then, that may be replenished. But now you tell me that you want to share this finite amount between different people ? WTF! Burn witch!


And yet, love it not a finite quantity, and yet it may be proven in the future that you multiply its power by sharing it. Like a lolcat video. And of course it will suffer the same opprobrium as premarital sex, divorced people or queers. And yet, society will eventually accept it and find something else to bitch about.


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