Charging your phone by the sweat of your brow

And now for the most socially awkward thing I had to do this year so far:

I had twenty minutes to wait at the train station in Strasbourg, and a half empty smartphone battery that was supposed to be my guidance device for the upcoming 600km hitchhiking. So I started looking around for an electric outlet. I found it in the shape of a "charging station with a twist" in the middle of the station's hall. The twist: you had to pedal for power.

You sit on the bar-stool type thing, put your feet on the protruding pedals, plug in your machine and pedal away. The energy produced by your legs goes into your device.

When I first saw the thing, I thought: "This is the dumbest idea this year". We're in a train station. Its power input must be measured in hundreds of megawatts. Even if they had dozens of outlets available for people to charge their mobiles, they wouldn't even register the increase in energy-use. Hell, the customer-powered charging station probably cost them more than providing free charging outlets. It costs them no electricity, that's given. But if you factor in the cost of the machine, plus maintenance and stretch it over the lifetime of the thing; it most probably amounts to a daily cost higher than whatever little juice the station-users would leech off their power bill.

Maybe it would make sense in the middle of Burning Man, or whatever event draws crowds without being connected to the grid. Not in a place that has power cables running through every crack to feed all the backlit advertising billboards. Yet, someone had managed to sell it to the Strasbourg train station. I had to try it.

So I did. Within a few seconds of use, it became clear I had greatly underestimated the stupidity of the concept. It was the dumbest idea in the history of dumb ideas. "What's that man doing, Mommy?" A group of french lads stop in front of me, dumbfounded, and all explode in roaring laugh. A group of asian tourists pointing fingers at me laughing politely and taking gigabytes worth of pictures of me... It was quite an experience. I left to catch my train with a litte more charge and thinking very hard about the sense of doing what I just did.

See, I regularly do socially awkward things just for the sadistic satisfaction of startling normal people in their routine. But I was sitting at that table with my feet going round and round under me, stationary, looking at the charge gauge of my phone, feeling so completely out of place... I'm confident that even if the contraption stays in the very middle of what is one of the busiest train stations in Europe, I'm its first user, and will forever be the last. Nobody with the tiniest shred of decency would ever consider doing something so awkward.

A quick search on the web and it becomes very clear what drove the train station managers to buy the thing in spite of its glaring uselessness, and what drove the Belgian startup that makes those things to even build them in the first place. Quoting the article in French: "It's shows we care about the environment", "Exercise is good for people" then contradicted by: "It takes no effort at all". The later is true. To produce the ten watts needed by my charger I hardly felt any resistance in the pedals. Underscoring even further the pointlessness of the enterprise.

Ecology and health, then. But since it doesn't reduce the carbon tab of the train station AND doesn't really increase the heart rate (and, really, no one is ever going to be using it, ever), it's actually Greenwashing and Fat-Shaming. Nice job, 21st century.

With the accumulation of fake good ideas like this, ecology is getting such a bad name that I know some decently clever people that systematically dismiss any attempt at reducing impact as greenwashing. Just great.

A little tip to train station managers looking to simultaneously do good for the environment and their users on a low budget: pull the plug on the backlit advertising billboards.

One year later edit

I've been proven wrong again about human nature. It turns out people are more than happy to crank the pedals to charge their phone in a megawatt environment. I've seen it several times now. Maybe some of you were wondering why this website is called "Homo Stupidens". Now you know.

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